Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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