tonight lets celebrate not being married
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
