I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
