I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
