East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
