i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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