mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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