Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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