He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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