dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
