there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
