I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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