oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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