If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
