I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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