I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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