I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
