Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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