i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
