I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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