Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
