Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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