Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
