I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
