My first STD was from a foam party
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
