Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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