Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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