I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
