Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
