so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
