currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
