Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
