maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
