You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
