cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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