Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
