There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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