Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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