do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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