Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
