also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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