me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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