I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
