Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
