my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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