haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
