I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
