I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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