The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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