Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
