I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
