Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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