FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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