A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
