Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
