I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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