You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
