how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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