I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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