nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
